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nicolicaEvery Angry Message is a "Please"
Sometimes it is hard to remember, but every time someone speaks or acts in anger or frustration, he is saying “Please!” Consider the please when your child says, “We NEVER get to do what I want to do!” The child is saying, “Please, I want fairness and fun. I want to know that you care about my needs, too.”
How about when your wife says to you as you walk in the front door, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for an HOUR!” Perhaps underneath this statement, she is saying, “Would you please consider my needs for predictability, respect, and trust?”
Okay, maybe these are too obvious. What is the “please” behind your boss’s statement? “This presentation was deplorable. The computer didn’t operate properly, the graphics were juvenile, and the timing didn’t work. I was embarrassed to present this to the Board, and it must not happen again.” Maybe she’s saying “please” to higher-quality presentations and maintaining a certain image with the Board.
The next time someone expresses their disappointment, frustration, or anger toward you, take a moment to consider the “please” behind their words. When you do this, you have a much greater opportunity to resolve conflicts peacefully.
***
When a person’s communication is difficult to hear,notice the “please” behind it. When you can hear it as “please,” does it shift how you feel?
Sometimes it is hard to remember, but every time someone speaks or acts in anger or frustration, he is saying “Please!” Consider the please when your child says, “We NEVER get to do what I want to do!” The child is saying, “Please, I want fairness and fun. I want to know that you care about my needs, too.”
How about when your wife says to you as you walk in the front door, “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you for an HOUR!” Perhaps underneath this statement, she is saying, “Would you please consider my needs for predictability, respect, and trust?”
Okay, maybe these are too obvious. What is the “please” behind your boss’s statement? “This presentation was deplorable. The computer didn’t operate properly, the graphics were juvenile, and the timing didn’t work. I was embarrassed to present this to the Board, and it must not happen again.” Maybe she’s saying “please” to higher-quality presentations and maintaining a certain image with the Board.
The next time someone expresses their disappointment, frustration, or anger toward you, take a moment to consider the “please” behind their words. When you do this, you have a much greater opportunity to resolve conflicts peacefully.
***
When a person’s communication is difficult to hear,notice the “please” behind it. When you can hear it as “please,” does it shift how you feel?