записки на манжетах

Я с утра проснулась, смешала вишневую краску с белой и покрасила полку шкафа в розовый цвет. Вся измазалась, да и полу досталось прилично. Завтра с утра покрашу вторую полку в фиолетовый, узкую полочку покрашу во второй раз белым и, даст бог, в четверг уже шкаф будет готов к заселению Аниными игрушками и книжками. Тогда останется только нанести трафаретный рисунок на боковые стенки и сшить и повесить занавески. Пока мне очень нравится, что получается из ужасного советского книжного шкафа. Обещаю результат и вам показать.

А как начался ваш день?

NVC

Rewiring the Brain

For generations, our brains have been wired to think in terms of right and wrong. And, we've been programmed to judge, diagnose, correct, and a myriad of other behaviors that as Marshall says, "prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically with others."

Practice in NVC includes rewiring our brain so these behaviors are no longer automatic:

• Advising: "I think you should ..."
• Consoling: "You did the best you could ..."
• Correcting: "That's not what I heard ..."
• Educating: "This could really be positive if you would only ..."
• Explaining: "I would have e-mailed but ..."
• Interrogating: "When did you start feeling that way?"
• One-upping: "Well it was worse for me."
• Shutting down: "Don't feel so bad."
• Storytelling: "That reminds me of when ..."
• Sympathizing: "Oh, you poor thing!"

Responses such as these are so ingrained from our cultural and societal upbringing that we must be committed to empathetic listening to bypass the hardwiring in our brain.

It's not to say that any of these behaviors are wrong -- in fact, sometimes advice or sympathy is exactly what's requested. Rather, we need to recognize when our response is automatic, or deliberate and consistent with what's requested. We also need to be forgiving of ourselves as we learn NVC, knowing that the rewards of empathic listening are worth the steep learning curve.

Mindful Practice for the Week

Do you recognize any of the above behaviors as a regular part of your conversation? See if next time you can take a deep breath make a more compassionate choice. Enjoy your week!

NVC

It's Not About You

Have you ever ended a relationship by saying, "It's not about you, it's about me"? This sentence has been used time and again in jokes, TV series and movies. Usually someone lets out a groan at this all too familiar phrase that seems to say nothing.

Actually, within the context of NVC, this sentence has great meaning. When we learn to listen empathically, we remind ourselves, as Dr. Marshall Rosenberg says, "... that no matter what the words people use to express themselves, we listen for their observations, feelings and needs, and what they are requesting to enrich life."

If your loved one exclaims, "You're a fool for lending your cell phone to a total stranger," someone not familiar with NVC might blame themselves by taking the message personally or blame and judge the speaker.

The speaker's reaction gives you clues to what this person might be feeling, needing and wanting for a richer life. It really isn't about you.

Instead of barreling forward from a place of blame, you can take a step back and inquire. For example, "Are you concerned that someone might walk away with my phone?"

Realizing that it's not about you offers a chance to take your conversation into a deeper level of connection. Through this deeper level of connection, you can learn more about those you care about and a great deal about yourself, too.

Mindful Practice for the Week

During the week, don't take it personally! Listen to the little truths that people reveal about themselves daily. Enjoy your week!

TWIMC

Стеф, я тебя видела на выходе из "Эвереста". Извини, что не подошла. Я себя плохо чувствовала и со скрипом соображала.

Ты мало изменился, кстати :)