NVC

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
—Aristotle

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Nonviolent Communication as a Way of Life

People often ask me how to handle unexpected emotional outbursts, such as a spouse coming home angry, an irritable cashier, or any situation where we’re surprised by the kind of response we receive. In these situations, I rely on my Nonviolent Communication habits. I practice this consciousness in easy situations so I can be ready to use it in challenging ones. If a friend calls me to share exciting news, I empathize by listening to her feelings and needs, to help meet both our needs for celebration. If someone calls me to express sadness, I empathize to meet my needs for connection and compassion. If I find myself judging another person, I translate the judgmental thoughts to my feelings and needs, such as “When I see large SUVs, I feel worried about our ability to sustain ourselves and our resources,” instead of “Oh I hate SUVs. Doesn’t that person know how much precious gas that vehicle is using?” If I feel sad, I empathize with myself or ask someone else to empathize with me. If I feel happy, I express my celebration. I have made living Nonviolent Communication a habit. If I only practiced this consciousness when times were challenging, I would not have the skills to handle such situations. However, through continuous practice, I can rely on well-established habits of connection, compassion, and communication to help me resolve even the most challenging situations in ways that meet my need for integrity.

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Begin to make the Nonviolent Communication process a habit today by empathizing with one person.